Darn!

Posted on June 9, 2010 | No Comments

History repeats itself. Unless you do something to stop it from happening again. But I don’t. I didn’t. I was not able to. Time and again, I found (and still find) myself in this dump.

Bitterness is gnawing at me. Again.

Let me just pour this out before I drown in this overwhelming feeling of defeat.

Sometimes, you’d wonder why after days or weeks of bliss, something happens to mess with your happiness. To balance your life? Most likely. But it still is darn irritating, and is hard to understand.

Maybe I deserve this. But I believe I don’t. I’m a good person and I try to stay within the boundaries of what is right. I’m not saying that I don’t deserve trials, I just want to have a stretch of happiness. A stretch of time for myself and not think of any obligations. Not think of anything at all.

Maybe this is just a trial… Darn I had so many already and I’m just 31. I believe that I’ve had more than enough for the past 31 years. And I know there are a lot more to come. I just keep on thinking if I deserve all of these. If maybe being good is not good enough.

Or maybe, for some twisted, inexplicable reason, I made a bad choice somewhere along the way and this is the effect of it.

Crying might help ease this bitterness. Or maybe I should just sleep this off.

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