There are times in the past when I would just throw cautions to the wind and just went ahead with something risky. You know, just to look cool to others. I have always wanted to be at the top of the class but also to be the uber cool student and friend to every one.
There was a time back in grade school that I would initiate a fight with whoever glanced my way and I didn’t like the look the person gave me. That time, I thought it would be really cool to be the biggest bully in school. I got that reputation and up to now, everybody still remembers it.
You wouldn’t see it now how big a bully I was in the past.
You’d probably catch a glimpse of it here and there but I’ve mellowed down. I know I am still capable of the things I did before but I am not very much keen on repeating any of it.
I’ve learned my lesson and I am for a quiet life now.
Plus, I don’t take risks that much anymore. It now scares me to be veering away from my comfort zone.
When I was a kid, I used to remember my mom ticking names of those who did her wrong. She did it from time to time, especially when she was pissed about something or someone. You could say that she’s not a very forgiving person. She never forgot even our past transgressions. That’s how she was.
I do believe it is the reason why I am the opposite of it. I easily forgive and forget. I don’t like it when I am in a hate mood. What I do is I divert my attention and focus on other things. I don’t like holding grudges. I don’t like being constantly pissed on someone. Hate just takes away so much of your time. It eats what little energy you have left and just stresses you out. Why hold on to it when it does that to you?
Forgive. It is a divine thing to do. And it is also an exercise of the soul. Do it. You’ll lose the negative energy inside and around you. It will also make you feel light and free!
Modesty aside, I have one of the best cursive back in high school. Legible and neat. That’s how my teachers would describe my handwriting. If the teacher needed someone to write the lesson on the blackboard, I would be asked to do it. My handwriting was that good.
But ever since I started working and using the computer, my handwriting slowly deteriorated. I couldn’t write as legibly as before. My G started looking so much like Q. My cursive capital F is not like before. And slowly, each letter started looking a lot like NOT what it should be.
I blame my laziness to write manually. I am so used to tapping on the keyboard of the computer that I have neglected my cursive already. I might get back my beautiful cursive if I practice a lot.
I just might.
I used to frown a lot. My mom would find me staring into space and frowning. She would scold me about it. She thought I was just daydreaming all those times. Little did she know that it was my way of planning my future. When I frown, I am deep in concentration. And believe me, I need to concentrate because my mind was a jumbled mess. Yes, even when I was a little kid and more so in my teens.
Even then, my mind would jump from one thought to another. I couldn’t focus on a single thought. Even then, my mind was already cluttered. I tend to daydream a lot back then. But it is mixed with my plans on what I wanted to become when I grew up. Back then, I wanted to become a doctor and a lawyer. I also wanted to be filthy rich (well, up to now ha-ha). I couldn’t keep up with my own thoughts.
It hasn’t changed a bit. My mind is still cluttered, a jumbled mess. Chaos rules in it. I am thankful I can still concentrate from time to time. I just have so many ideas and I can’t keep it in line.
Are you like me?
When I was around nine or ten, I remember my mom dragging me to the mall when she’s angry about something. We would watch a movie or just stroll around the mall.
Today is a special day for my mom. It’s her birthday. Had she been still here, there will be a celebration. Nothing grand. A special dinner will most likely be it. And then come weekend, a trip to the mall after going to church will surely be in the agenda.
Miss her!
When we were kids, we had very little resources (read: cash). When we go out and had to eat out, even a trip to the fast food was done with care. It would be embarrassing to order something and find that the cash we had was not enough. We needed to plan our trips to the department store and any other thing that might mean shelling out a slightly bigger amount of money.
I would like to think that that phase of our lives made us better persons. It made us appreciate what we have more. I’d like to think that we didn’t become vain because of it. And we know when and where to splurge.
I read this question somewhere: What smell makes you think of childhood?
I can tell you that the smell of freshly cut grass, and the smell of garlic, onion and tomatoes being sautéed bring back my childhood. I grew up in a household where I was allowed to sleep all I wanted during days without school. Naturally, when I wake up, it’s already time to cook for lunch. I would wake up with the smell of something being sautéed. I love that smell, even now!
During vacations and town fiestas, I would go to the province with some relatives. I have wonderful memories of playing in the field. Thus, the smell of freshly cut grass.
How about you? What smell brings back your childhood?
He was smiling the first time I saw him. He smiled so brightly that day. We had lunch and talked like it was not the first time for us to see each other. It’s like we’ve known each other for a long time.
It was a brief encounter. He had to go elsewhere that day. I could have talked to him for hours still, he asked me if I wanted to see him again that night. I declined. I am not comfortable seeing him afterwards. For one reason or another.